Late Night Letter : "I don’t want to, but you make me do"

This message is not for everyone, it's very specific, just simply check another post, because I'll be a little dramatic in here.

Melanchonic Black and White Shot of a Forest

Late night letter to my person,

You know who you are,

I could handle your mind games,

I could handle it when you act strange and made a distance. I am accepted all of your weakness, your traumas, I realized we are through shit behind the scenes. Giving you reflection, freedom, and belief to keep faith in you is the type of my love language.

Show me your scars, and I promise to heal them.

I stand by you, no matter how bad you threaten me. I’ll forever believe in you, even when you gave me no reasons to believe.

But when it involves another woman, When I see someone else secretly involved in all of your plans, your business, I can’t. It is not the same type of pain I could handle anymore. You are wrong if you think that I'm the type of woman who just likes to wait and see what can you offer to me. I want to support you from the start, I want to be there and help you to reach your dream.

I'm not mad if I saw you with all-girl surrounding you. But I’m not dumb to see someone else intentions, it’s really clear to see, that she has something for you, she wants you secretly, that’s the reason why I mad.

All of this time, I give you space and time, you can go as long as you want, and come back whenever you want, and still, I believe in you.

I am ash from your fire, you know?

I’m such a fool for thinking that maybe you are different from the rest. I’m too naïve, to always say you are such a lovely good man and be your first army when people try to throw a sit on you. Shame on me to always feel like I owe something and let my heart be destroyed repeatedly.

I remember small details about you—your birthday, your things, your behavior, I was supported you secretly. I gave you freedom, I pray for you and your dreams, I appreciate you in every single change that I can. I gave it my all, even if you gave me nothing at all.

So tell me what to give after that?

I know it was dark, and I realized it took me a long time to heal and recover my heart from all of this shit. If I could playback a time, I hope that I never meet you. I wish I never know you. I know your presence in my life has the biggest impact on my spiritual journey, and I know it’s divinely guided, there’s no coincidence. It’s not just a physical attraction, cause I feel it energetically, that’s the hardest part of it.

I promise to myself, to never negotiate about my happiness, and maybe—I'm not sure either, after what I know about it, even if there is something I haven't discovered yet, I have a perfect reason for leaving you behind, to be more focus about my mission in life. It’s not because I'm stopping loving you, it is hard for me to start loving someone, but when I fall, I fall deep. But I was just thinking that maybe it was the right time to listen to my ego, to protect my heart cause you made me feel like I was replaceable. I don’t want to, but you make me do

Take a bow. I don't want to fight anymore. I am emotionally drained and exhausted.

Your beautiful fool,

Puti Sabrina

Author : Fatihatun Puti Sabrina

You get the best version of me when i feel save around you. My femininity flourishes in healthy environments. I protect that version of me because i've spent so much time healing and preserving that version of me - Jojo, The minds Journal